Summer time and revelations

I'm finally a high school senior now, with aims of going out of state (specifically to an ivy league school) so I can achieve my dreams, whatever those dreams may be. I'm well passed a year natural and even though I have about 5 months to go until 2 years, I feel pressed for time. Lace wigs were my everything for may through June but I wilfully neglected my hair during this period and got left with a great bald spot where my widows peak should be and my heat damaged edges are so brittle and thin I could cry lol. But ever since July started,  I've been conditioning and deep conditioning and moisturizing and styling and wearing MY NATURAL HAIR. It's so crazy and I'm thankful to God its long enough for me to do so. I'm at a length now to wear I can wear pony tails (but due to my heat damage I have to twist the front but it's actually cute) and occasionally I'll wear a fake pony tail or bun that blends so well with my texture. I'm done spending more than 5 dollars on weave--that money could be going to hair products and vitamins.  So much has happened life wise...but this blog is about hair and now skin so I'm not getting into that. I'm trying all sorts of things like the inversion method and a better diet and alladat so I have to update more. I will be posting length startings/updates and all that and also skin stuff because I can't wear makeup anymore and I still have this kojic acid soap to use lol

Letting go of the weave

Let's see where to begin. Before I even began transitioning, I was rocking wefts. Like I went from clip ins, to half wigs, to lace wigs and then back to a half wig which broke off the front part of my hair, so then back to lace wigs and then u-part wigs and blablabla. Last weekend I took off my wig and took out my braids while I was watching "A Different World" and picked out my hair. The first thing I thought was, "It's so huge." It was the day after prom and a crazy ass weekend, and my mom came home that day and said, "wow look at all that hair. You could almost start wearing your own hair." and I was kind of like, "I was literally thinking that same thing." Well since school is almost over, I didnt exactly completely quit weave. I'm rocking some weaved up double buns right now and as soon as my clip ins get here I'll do some double braids (and if I learn how to do a braid out perfectly, some braid outs with extensions) and that'll be that for the rest of the year. Literally I have less than one month to endure, I'll be fine. I wore my hair up for prom (wasn't the intention) but I looked bomb a'f and realized that I actually looked more refined with my hair up, so I'm not lamenting over the loss of length. However my edges are suffering (I abused my leave out more than I neglected my natural hair) and let's just say I got a few months to go before I can rock the slicked back afro pony tail that I want to rock oh so very bad. I have to develop a regimen (right now I'm just deep conditioning every night) and admit to myself the problems of my hair and how I mistreated it. I have heat damage out the ass and am very much afraid of abusing heat so I'm praying my clip ins get here soon so I don't have to sacrifice health for appearance. Oh vanity, thy name is my own. I'm excited af for this summer, and this weekend I'm literally just going to deep condition the whole time I dont' care lol bye I don't need to be around people or take selfies.

Also I'm trying to find a good aesthetic that will go with my new big fro look!?!? thick bushy brows? weird eyeliner? idk we gon' find out ya'll.

So I've been natural for one year now and that's great and all. I'm experimenting with color with my weaves and that's kind of cool for me. I'm going on a cruise with my best friend and her family to south america for a week. I'm stressed about finals but none of that matters right now. What matters is the question that keeps pressing my mind: How do I get closer to God? He's healed me of some of my worst addictions, but I need to be closer to him. He's shown me that vanity is actually one of the things that inspires me to follow Christ more, and I think its because my vanity stems from artificiality thus I end up humbling myself. I'm okay with that, but I need to learn how to be humble now. I need to chase him even when sinful opportunities abound. I need to act as if he's watching at all times--because he is. I want to love him above everything and put my life in his hands. I need to do his will but right now I am absolutely struggling because I have the options to do so many bad things. I think about doing bad things all the time and then justifying them, They're not sin by scripture but I know in my heart that they are bad things and so I fight with my mind daily. But I have to give myself to God. I have to sacrifice, He loves. He gives. He is all that I should aim for because life is so big yet so minuscule in comparison to his treasures and I want to cry because I can't comprehend his love or his beauty all that I can understand is that he's there.

Change for Christ

In honor of a program my church is doing and all the beautiful things my Lord has done for me, I decided to update my blog with this long overdue post.

My natural hair journey officially started with a long talk I had with my parents in December about the importance of natural hair to me and the connection it had to my relationships with God. It's been nine months since my hair journey kicked off, and due to laziness, and my lack of inspiration and necessity (i.e. the urge to be and look better naturally), things haven't gone exactly as planned time wise. However that is not a complaint, it's just an observation. The Lord has truly blessed me in this journey and things have changed dramatically.

•  I got contacts
•  I turned 16
•  I got my permit
•  I became so proud of my black heritage and culture
•  I started wearing concealer (organic, natural and vegan)
•  I got a job
•  I developed a better relationship with my family and God
•  I now have the reasons and urge to be a natural beauty (In general and because people already think I am but I don't think so)

I just have such a strong urge to be close to God and to do his will yet at the same time I have this desire of the flesh to fit into the world and do worldly things and I know that this isn't what the Lord wants. He wants me to focus on him and I want to do that as well. He is the most deserving of my attention, and I know that when I focus on him I don't go unrewarded. For example, I should not have all A's right now. By the world's view and the mentality of my flesh, I should not have all A's. I have done nothing to deserve them and my habits are those of a slacker and a failure. However by God's Grace I have all A's. By his will and by his will alone do I have what I have. I don't deserve anything I have in the least, but he gave them to me anyway. This knowledge, this wisdom, any semblance of beauty I have are all thanks to him. He has given me so much so it is my duty to give back to him, to dedicate my life to fulfilling his will and purpose for me. I have to pray for his guidance and wisdom to know what it is he wants me to do because honestly, I have no clue. All I know is that through Christ I am a new creation so I have to change. It's necessary to do so. I don't have to be the same person I was, I can be so much better. I can be beautiful because God made everything and everything he makes his beautiful so I must be as well. That being said, I should take care of myself. I am God's daughter, his creation. I should keep myself in shape and be the best version of me possible (naturally) to show my gratitude. So that's why I'm going to try my hardest to no longer curse, no longer be unnecessarily mean (unless I'm joking) and work out and drink water and take supplements and do all these things so I don't have to put on makeup before leaving. I know I have worldly reasons for doing it too but I know that my strength alone isn't enough to do anything. I have to have him in mind and call upon him for the strength to do everything.
Oh another important thing: I think I know my hair type. It's probably 4a or 4b, but mostly 4a. The reason the curl pattern wasn't showing up was because of the lack of moisture, the relaxed ends and the shortness of length. With the right amount of moisture and product it is easy to see my curl pattern and now I am so excited and ready to nurse my hair to health and length with protective styles and conditioning so that I can further enjoy this curl pattern and later enjoy some length and not have to rely on weave. I know that healthy hair requires some type of hair regimen and so that is what I'm going to try to come up with, here we go:
Deep conditioning at least 3 times a week
Spray scalp with water and oil or grease it every night
Inversion method every time I deep condition.
When I get paid I will see about another water bottle, fruit, and hair supplements.  Until then, these things are all I have. Hopefully the motivation will continue. Work out regimen? That will be posted next week when I get paid so I can buy shoes and work out clothes. Alright? Alright!
So in Change for Christ, whenever I eat something unhealthy or do anything that displeases the Lord, I have to put change in the jar. Sort of a visual representation/reminder of the changes that need to be made and how far I've come. Pictures will be posted weekly of my jar with life updates and such. I guess I will update this blog every Sunday, yay! (Although there is no one to hold me to it, I'll try to make it happen and later with more pictures too). Alright Ya'll, later!

BIG CHOP!!

So I have definitely come a long way from my beginning struggles. My mom has become the epitome of supportive, which is a definite 180 from her previous stance on natural hair for me. Before, she was completely against the idea to the point of genuinely hurting my feelings---but guess who was the one to cut off my relaxed ends for me? Yup, my mommy! I have not showed or told my dad yet, but I'm pretty sure my mom will before I do. I have one more day of finals left and then I can bust out of the school and purchase all the oils and butters and yada-yada. But one thing that's bothering me is my low water intake. I need to buy a nice sturdy, non-plastic water bottle that can hold at least a liter. Also, I might take biotin some time in August. It's been about 5 and a half or 6 months since I stopped getting relaxers and now that I've cut most of it off (I left some in the front because I have to blend with weave while I'm at school and doing interviews, and unfortunately I will have to continue to do this until 2015 if my growth process goes how I think it will). But I'm so grateful to God the way everything has turned out for me! My life has been the struggle but also amazing and now I'm so so happy with my hair. I am known for rocking long hair and like long hair so its odd that I love my short TWA---maybe it's because its actually my hair? I haven't been happy about my real hair in a loong time. It's au natural! wowowowow! I'm still shocked I don't think it's gonna sink in for a while, lol. I love how it feels when its damp, but blow-dried it feels crispy. However my mom blowdried it and stretched it so she can braid it. A year ago I never would have thought I would be doing this but I am and I am so grateful! Thank God!

'Til next time,

The Girl With the Semi-Afro.

My absence and happy new year!

I hope everyone had a great holiday season! My whole everything got turned upside down (in a positive way) over the course of my absence. My parents gave me this huge talk, at first it seemed like they were just yelling at me, but they actually had valid points. Anyway, a lot of things have happened and I couldn't begin to explain them all, but long story short, half wigs are a thing for me now. Also, my mom has officially decided to help me transition HEAT-FREE to natural! Which is amazing and great for me. Also, my connection with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has strengthened tremendously over the past few days. I'm so excited for what this year has in store for everyone. I've also realized that it was meant for me to learn Japanese. I've also got myself into a relationship!?!? Ahh, so many things to say, but I'm just going to sum it all in bullet points:

• I'm more in love with God than I ever have been before
• I'm more focused on respecting my elders and trying to be responsible
• I've realized how important school is and that all the trivial things teenagers do won't lead to success
• Japan was meant for me

I wish you all have a great year this year! May it be filled with plenty of blessings and opportunities!

Merry Christmas

Right now it's christmas morning, and already my mom and I have gotten into an argument. Over, you guessed it, my hair. It started off as just a pesky suggestion, that I shampoo my hair (I already co-washed it yesterday and was waiting to shampoo it with a new shampoo I bought from carol's daughter). Every time she wants to do something to my hair it involves heat or some other form of texture altering, and I'm not feeling that at all. I want to transition into this with no heat, and no "help" (relaxer) from her. She insists that she's going to have to hotcomb my roots, and I'm beyond irritated with that. She says she's tired of seeing my hair broken off...news flash, it's still going to be broken off after the roots are straightened, it's just going to be choppy hair with straight roots which to me is even worse than it is now. She said she's been letting what I've been doing "slide" but now she "doesn't care what I want" and will do my hair whenever/however she likes. No. Nope, absolutely not. She's been straightening my hair ever since I can remember, and that's no exaggeration. I literally cannot remember a time where my hair wasn't straightened by hair in some form--hot comb or relaxer. She doesn't understand that by forcing me to straighten my hair now, she's telling me to change the way I am naturally (no pun intended). That the way God made my hair is unacceptable and flawed and needs to be altered by human hands to flourish. Yes, I wanted to tell her that today--but I couldn't. It's Christmas and honestly I think I'd break her heart if I told her that she was the reason I have low self esteem and am not comfortable with myself. So we argued and I told her I'm not ready to talk to her. Thus silence and a lot of tension on this Christmas day. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop transitioning. Not for her, or for anyone else! That's my Christmas miracle, my near year's resolution...my everything. I'll be sorry later.
-Merry Christmas!