Oh, Mother...

So today Nana walked in my room. Nothing unusual about that, she's always invading my space. In the hallway is a trash bag about half full. It's filled with weave. All the weave I own save one little hairpiece (which I'm forced to use now because my hair has fallen out so much from, you guessed it, weave). She asked if I was throwing it all away to which I casually replied yes. She said she wanted to buy me more weave and I cut her off
"I don't want anymore, at this point I've spent more money on weave than I have on actual hair products and that's a bad sign."
She's always telling me my hair is to thick and that it either needs a perm or to be hotcombed. It's really a blow to my self-esteem every time she says stuff like that. Like the hair God gave me is too much to deal with and that there's no way it can flourish without heat training or chemicals. She keeps trying to coax me into forgetting going natural. She keeps saying she wants to "put perm in my hair 'til I'm grown." And I just don't dig that. Why make me rely on the creamy crack all my teenage life and then throw me out into the world not knowing how to take care of my own damn hair? Especially since I plan to study abroad, this is not a good idea. If her idea of doing my hair is straightening it or relaxing it...then I definitely do not need her doing my hair. So what if this whole natural thing doesn't work out? At least by the time I go to college I will know that and won't waste my even more precious time and money on failed attempts to cultivate my mane. Taking care of my hair won't be easy since I have not gotten the practice other people have, but I'm still going to do it anyway. The fact that everyone thinks my hair is too nappy to grow naturally without the help of chemicals is one of my inspirations to go natural. I want to have a chance to actually see what God gave me. It is SO sad that I have not even seen my hair in its natural state. Ever. It has never happened and the fact that it's growing is making me so excited. I don't mind being awkward/ugly/whatever this year. I may not even go to formal, lol. I just want to be comfortable with myself and I can't do that until I know what I am in my  truly natural state.